Thursday, June 1, 2017

Full Circle 8 and infinity


 Nearly 8 years later and we have come full circle.  The magnitude of you astounds me.  I got a call from your Neurologist Dr. Alare two days ago.   That phone call brought me to a moment I now realize is one of the many gifts you gave me.  A another baby has died.  This time one twin born too soon and a familiar story in my heart of what can be...what has been and what happened.  The first thought was how can I help this family.   How can I begin to tell them that 8 years later you can blink and catch the sent of your sweet son's breath on the tip of your nose.  That 8 years later you will walk every moment of his birth and remember things despite the work you have done on PTSD in a new and disturbing way.  How can I tell them that 8 years is infinity.  Infinity will pass between your own breaths.  And, yet you will find beauty.  You will know this deep joy of knowing.  you will find a place in your soul that questions everything and answers all.  You will know that from this day forward your mind will say before he was born or after his death as if it is a scripture.  You are a different person today and you will never be the same.   From the rubble and heartache will rise a passion a mission a feeling knowing the soul of every parent you ever meet again.  You have a new mission and ministry in life.  You are a parent to a child in heaven and it is beautiful and it is joy and you are chosen.  You are the reason he lived, he arrived... a whole life inside a timespan of moments, breaths, blinks, beats touches.  8 years later and the tiny miracle of his hand squeezing my finger can be felt.  It can be manifested.  He is mighty.

Joseph Can you hear mommy:  Your reasons for life and early death are continuing to unfold.  beyond time and space you reach others hearts.  You contribute to the beauty that is this world when we are raw, when we are genuine and when we come together in knowing and in love with arms wide open to help.  you are love. you are everything.