Friday, August 30, 2013

Never give up - Never give in... Always try - Determination

Here is the amazing story of my twins – guided by faith, prayed for and loved, saved by blessings and the never bending HOPE we have that miracles can happen… At 4 weeks old we found out we were expecting. The numbers did not “double” as they should and we were told that the pregnancy may not work but to keep hoping… we prayed for good results for over 10 days. Although the numbers never doubled as they should have….. we found 2 Heartbeats at 6 weeks old. At 8 weeks there was some scary stuff going on with bleeding and a chance they may not make it still… and we had a blessing. Our Twins grew to 12 weeks and were perfect. At 13 weeks we were told that everything was going great but we had what was called MO/DI twins and that sharing a placenta could cause them to have something called TTTS (twin to twin syndrome) and that the pregnancy would be closely monitored and risky. We continued to be monitored but each week grew hope that they were tiny but going to be just fine… our baby girls were named. Bryn Harper and Wren Harlow At 20 weeks we were told that things were not going well.. that one of the girls was not going to make it and that as a family we would have to decide to let our little baby b go. We were also told that likely they had several issues with their heart and body and might have down syndrome. We didn’t give in. we got a second option. At 21 weeks we got a second option with even worse news. Our baby B Bryn would have to be let go in order save Baby A Wren. And we were told that even if we did that baby Wren only had a 33% chance of making it. Likely both our girls would pass and the best option was to terminate the pregnancy and start over. We were devastated but didn’t give up on them…. We went to the best place in the world for this type of Twin care…. Off to San Francisco’s UCSF to speak directly to one of two surgeons in the US that could possibly help At 22 weeks we completed intensive testing at UCSF and it was discovered that none of the previous diagnosis were correct. That our girls shared an artery inside the placenta and that artery was strong and would carry them. They told us that if we had made the decision to let Bryn go Wren would have also died because they shared this care together… They gave us HOPE. To do nothing… and keep going. They told us the hearts were strong and the girls would be early and tiny but here. NO guarantee’s we were put on weekly watch. From 22-34 weeks we went to the Dr sometimes 3x a week for checking… for growth for them to say “Today is the day we have to deliver them early… That day has not yet come. Our girls are in the home stretch … all from a blessing.. all from Love.. all from hope. I am beyond questions.. I am full of love and determination to make it another week or two … Tears of joy stream down my face at the power of prayer.. the power of people and how so many can really make a difference.

Monday, August 26, 2013

Fighting the anxiety

So here we are nearly to the end.... 17 days (if I make it that long) to delivery day. The anxiety has overtaken me. It doesn't help that we have come this far and that I'm being watched like a hawk. Nothing can ever take it away except the safe arrival of the girls. Part of me still protecting my heart I'll be ok... I'm holding my own but feel the shaken uncertain self inside a lot too. I just can't do what I want to do and that scares me... If I get up and make dinner... I pay for it in contractions.. if I try to participate in any way with bathtime for J or bedtime... contractions. Mostly stuck in my recliner for the last part of this makes you stir crazy! 8 days left to work.. just get me to September already!!! Thank goodness for my husband. He kisses my swollen face.. calms my every worry and tries so hard to do it all. Bless this man who stands up instead of down and doesn't complain. IF only he could carry the girls these last few days.... that would make all the difference. I know he would if he could. Joseph can you hear mommy - hold onto your sisters a little longer, brother... keep them safe and alive until our day to be together.. I love you sweet son who is almost 4 an unbelievable.

Monday, August 19, 2013

Friday the 13th...

So the date is set... the girls are going to be born on Friday the 13th of September at 10:30am. They will be at Banner Desert Hosptial (the best possible place to be) We have a twin team at the ready who knows all that has gone on with the girls and they are so pleased with how they are doing we may only need limited time in NICU now. I am over the moon with joy that they have held out now 33 weeks. I go to the Dr. 2x a week now for NST / Doppler / fluid checks. I STILL think they are coming on the 4th of September but I have nothing to base that on other than that has been the date in my mind for a very long time... we shall see. I just started to get excited about the arrival. My Anxiety a little at bay but.... this is the most critical time for twins... 33-36 weeks... I know every day is precious and every day anything can happen. So I just try to keep on keeping on. Some funny twin pregnancy stuff as everything has been so serious.... I need to document the fun. 1 - I can no longer see my lady parts - no matter how hard I try to move the belly... I can't get around it. knowing I'm having a C-section I would like to help the Dr's in that area but.... other than go in blind to groom I have no choice but to allow for nature to take its course. 2 - Sleeping is no longer a luxury but a chore! One that I hate. Just getting my leg up on the bed is enough for me to fall into a fit of grunts and snufffly snarfs. I sound like a professional tennis player in the heat of Wimbledon while trying to roll over. 3 - The world can't make enough breathe right strips.. those things are saving my life and breath at the moment. One should be enough but 3 seems to do the trick a lot better... JJ thinks they are band-aids and you know what .... that's ok! 4 - Sitting down in the shower is awesome. I never thought I'd be part of the geriatric community but.. that tool is a whole new pleasure I've been missing out on. I may never give up my shower stool again! 5 - My feet and hands are swollen to the point of Fred Flinstone status. Shoes suck and obviously jewelery is a no no - My other pregnancies never had this type of drama. I'd much rather not leave the house than have to put on a pair of shoes.. So I stopped judging those ladies who wear slippers to the grocery store and joined them instead. 6 - Skin CAN really stretch this big... wonder upon wonder my skin has not ripped off.. feels like it it could but no... it actually grows. 7 - I like Hospital cafeteria food. yes.. yes I do .. never thought I'd say that... breakfast/lunch/dinner in bed that you order from a limited high calorie menu is delightful. I'm going to take FULL advantage of this when in recovery.. not like last time when I made my husband bring me my food... I'm going in full board on this gravy tater train..... my last hurrah! Things I've learned NOT to do while pregnant (thankfully this is my last one so I won't have to worry anymore) - sneeze - eat hot sauce - hurry - drop anything on the floor that you need ever unless you have a back up plan to pick it up

Monday, August 12, 2013

Keeping on....

Well.... the girls are tough cookies and we are here almost 32 weeks along now... Both girls made it to the 3lbs marker and that is more than I could have hoped for. Little Bryn did fall behind a little bit in growth this week prompting us to need one more growth scan in 3 weeks... that is OK I never tire of looking at those sweeties.... Wren was a rock star and gained a ton of weight and now is caught up to me... she is 3lbs and 13oz. We have moved our C-Section to Friday the 13th.. I'm so happy about the prospect of being 36 weeks that I can't hardly stand it. I still think they are going to try to sneak out earlier considering JJ was delivered at 34 weeks..but you never know. I've had such a mixed bag of emotions and slowing down. I have guilt over not picking up JJ and guilt over not being albe to do some housework etc... but I'll get over it. Most of the time I've been working and that is just good for me. I have a big project at work and it continues to drive me Monday thru Friday. I don't know what I would do if I couldn't keep my mind busy all the time. In other news.. my MIL will be here in October to help with the babies and I am so happy about that. She is so sweet and tender and loving and will be able to help so much with both the girls and getting JJ out of the house! I'm also so greatful as she does not get to visit often due to money and travel time but hey.. I'm getting a week and that rocks. I've finally opened up the flood gates of spending for the little ladies. I bought all the paintings for the Nursery
   Yup - that is the theme - all in black and white with the edges in soft purple....  the carpet is gray and the beds and dressers are white...   we will paint the walls purple too....    (once they get here of course) 

I love the way things are coming together and can't wait for the final outcome to come to light.

"keep on keeping on"