Wednesday, July 31, 2013


I am so happy to be at 30 weeks. My Dr's pleased with the progress of the girls. My body crapped out last weekend after doing too much but.. hey I'm still at 30 weeks. Likely to deliver at 35 weeks 36 weeks the stretch goal I am in the HOME stretch of twin pregnancy. All of the things a normal pregnancy comes with only 2 fold... the last weeks of every pregnancy are hard... seems like with twins "extra" hard. My hips hurt my back hurts and I literally have to push back in certain parts of my body when I stand up! LOL - Everything leaks and nothing shuts off including my mind. Bags are packed and some outfits have been purchased... mostly just on pins and needles until I hear them.. see them... feel them and hold them! I need all of the 5 or 6 weeks left for the girls to keep growing. we are so very hopeful that nothing else comes up in the cord issues and the growth goes on! We keep going to Apts and coming back home so nothing in my mind can stop us except little Bryn's VCI. I have to say that the Girls care has been great - the momma care that I've gotten... not so much. I'm not very pleased with the amount of time the Dr's actual work with me on my issues... like above where I have to push everything back inside. ha ha.. but I can only be my own advocate and push them to communicate with me more clearly and push them to set up NSTs ect.. Push them to set a due date and remind them I need to sign a lot of paperwork for C-Section and Tubal.. so lets get on it. All in all the girls are going to be ok - 32 weeks is the next goal. Then 34... Then delivery!!!! So Very happy!

Thursday, July 25, 2013

The Months before October....

Every year the months before October seem shorter.  It feels as if each year faster than the last and October arrives like it was in between every other month on the calendar.   I did really well with grief last year.  Spent time working on the plan for October...   I made it to September before it dawned on me that October really was the next month on the calendar.    Being pregnant this year.. year 4... knowing that the "real" due date of the girls is October (don't worry we won't come close) makes me weary early.  It is not yet August and I'm more worried about October than the arrival of the twins.   How can the death of my first born supersede the birth of my third and fourth?   I don't know but somehow I seem to be skipping that part and focusing on that month again.    It is hard to explain the grief... almost like a slap in the face reminder that something is looming over you and yet... nothing is there except my own perception of the month I let choke me down.   I think if I look to the honest place in my heart two things have me skipping forward too fast.  First the possibility that something could still happen to the girls and I won't get to take them both home.   Stubborn refusal of my heart won't allow my brain to give into that reality but.. its there when I look really hard.  Second the fact that I'll now be the mom to three living children and perhaps when October comes I may not have time to celebrate and grieve him as I have in the past...  Both equally non-rational problems... but they are what they are and I just have to deal with them one by one.

In the months before October .... I miss my son who's impossibly almost 4 in heaven.

Wednesday, July 17, 2013

HUGE Milestone!

Today I am 28 weeks.   Could not be more happy about saying that.     Here is what was in my email from "baby center"

Hello, Brandy!
By this week, your baby weighs 2 1/4 pounds (about the size of a large eggplant) and measures 14.8 inches from the top of her head to her heels. She can open and close her eyes, which now sport lashes. This movement is more of a reflexive blink than a deliberate opening and closing, but it won't be long before she's batting those beauties at you!     OK so there are 2 and they are smaller than the average singleton but they are going to be here!     I am so proud to hit this date - 8 weeks ago I would have never thought this possible.   Prayers work... Keeping yourself calm works..  NEVER Giving up works and of course love/ light/ and the choosing to believe is the only path to go.   Now.... lets see how long we can keep them baking!   Go Team Purple!   Great job tiny Twinkies bean jeans!   Bryn Harper and Wren Harlow are fighters.... watch out world...   here they come!

Monday, July 8, 2013

27 weeks... and counting

Well...  Here I am 27 weeks with the Twinkies and counting....  I actually feel better today than I have for 7 weeks.   I had a nice 4 day weekend.   The girls made it another week inside and appear to have found a growth chart for themselves.   Dr's are happy that my Glucose test and all other tests appear to be perfect and normal...   Yes I Said normal.    So we get to skip a week of Dr's visits and don't go back until 7/19... This makes me so happy and also a little worried.. only because they have been looking so close for so long.   Once I'm 28 weeks....  everything else will be gravy...  Dr's now have sights on getting me to 34 weeks!  This is awesome awesome news.   Next week I'll begin to buy some stuff..... just a little to get us to where we need to be when they come home.  

Monday, July 1, 2013

26 weeks

I have to be honest given the events of the last 6 weeks I never thought we would all get this far!  Here we all are - Happy Healthy and the twins are still going.   Our weekly appointments are becoming less eventful.  I'm happy because I can rest a little and enjoy this my last pregnancy!

I'm still able to get out and about and have no other issues...  We will see what the Glucose test tells us tomorrow HA HA HA - finally a normal test to take  (That I almost fail every time)  Happy to report in the normal news of nothing.

Thankful for more time with the babies to get bigger and grow!   2 more weeks and I might..(MIGHT) start getting a few things for them.   

Love is all that fills the heart today!