Wednesday, May 1, 2013

first purchase

I made the first purchase for the girls...  they are custom onesizes with our little ladies names on them.   They are pink with purple writing and I am so in love.   Most mothers during this nesting time plan all sorts of gifts and nursery items... themes, colors, cribs, bedding, paint, clothes etc.....not me.  it took all my resolve to just push enter to purchase the outfits.   Doubt and grief still creep in when preparing for our newest arrivals.    I don't have another Dr. appointment for a week and I have not yet been able to feel these two wiggle inside me...   Just the usual pregnancy fears?  not sure because I know nothing else.  

JJ is the best blessing I have.  I'm so busy with him at night that I often forget my fears of the twins and just enjoy the sounds of giggles and bedtime stories all over the house.     He is so stinking smart.  I am not just saying that.  He is just over 2 years old and talks in complete sentences.   He is basically potty training himself (for marshmallows) and just a delight.   Recently he has taken to "baseball" to my husbands sheer delight.   Every night he marches around and pronounces that he wants to watch the Diamondbacks (our local team)  He studies the moves and cocks his little leg up before throwing the ball at the same time as the pitcher... then focuses his attention to his t-ball set and hits when the batters go...  I have this on video it is absolutely hysterical.   I can see my husband beaming with pride as he is just a baseball fanatic!

This is still my place to write my thoughts and hopes and fears... and often a place just by opening the page I think of Joseph.    Sweet Joseph.   He will be turning 4 in heaven when the girls arrive.   I'm due s close to his birthday that this pregnancy reminds me of him.   I also had to go through the summer and we had a good pregnancy w/o any complications until the last day of it with him.... I just wonder would he like t-ball as much as JJ?  Would he want to share a room with his brother because they were so close in age?   so many what if's that will never be and I just have to settle for this space where I can come to remember him and his life where he was loved for each and every second of it.  

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