Friday, April 26, 2013


we are having girls...   2 beautiful wonderful ladies to join the clan...

If I am being really honest with myself .... I'm terrified of the twins being girls.. and excited too don't get me wrong it is a whole new world for us....  being a Boy momma all this time has made me feel one way toward parenting.  I wonder if I will change the way I am for the little ladies?   I'm not frilly...but I love purple.. so that is a start I guess. 

I just had my 16 weeks appointment.  All is perfect.  Both little ladies are swimming around and kicking and even sucking thumbs.   My morning sickness (except when one guy at works makes really strong instant coffee)  is gone.    I love that I feel good again.   I do have pains in my hips as the muscles stretch and shift.  I am anxious to get to 24 weeks...  Thank goodness it is only 8 to go.

For those of you who read but don't "know" what it is like to have a child die... 24 week marker in pregnancy is huge.  It is the first day that your unborn child "could" live outside the womb.   It is called Viability day.... I don't want them to be born at 24 weeks because survival rates are very low (less than 50%) but...... at least the Dr's will do something to save them.   Born any earlier there is nothing a hospital will do.   So... I am waiting for that day... that day is in 8 weeks and I am ready!

Here is the timeline.   24 weeks = viability; 28 weeks= brain development; 32 weeks lungs develop more rapidly 34 weeks we are doing good (this is the week JJ was born)  and 35-37 weeks for me would be a miracle!   In my mind I'm keeping it open as to when they come but  the IDEAL date would be September 12-18th...  so start thinking those dates in your mind too!

so...  what do I need to do to get ready for the ladies?
Carpet the new nursery (long long overdue)
buy 2 car seats
buy 1 double pack n play (yes they make those)

the rest can wait until they are here.. safe and happy...

Oh yeah.. I need to buy a new car also!  LOL - 3 car seats won't fit into the one I've got!  

Thursday, April 11, 2013

babies out of the bag.....

For some reason I wanted to wait until my 20 weeks ultrasound to tell everyone about the twins.... Slowly I've gotten a little more used to the idea and with each good ultrasound I gain more confidence to tell others.   So the babies are out of the bag at work and with our friends and family...  now just have good ol' Facebook to tell and the world will know all about it..  My fears and hopes keep getting jumbled up!

I have been worried for weeks but yet there they are... flickering on the ultrasound perfect and happy.   The dreams I've been having are all about the babies being born a different nationality.  Perhaps it is my fear of connection too soon to the little Jean beans that is making me distance myself from them.. just enough to continue to protect my heart but not far enough away to disregard them.   I am careful and cautions.   I am not tender yet or in tune with them in anyway.   I see them with my own eyes and yet do not seem to connect them into my body... not yet... I will... give it time.   day by day and week by week they are proven fighters.  Champions for Frozen Embryo's everywhere... they can make it... and they chose me to be the mom.   I in every ounce of my being know that this is meant to be.... Why am I so guarded as to tell everyone?  I want to tell everyone that I am caring a very very special delivery..  Twins... Twins...  Maybe if I write it enough times it will sink in.... Maybe I just need to buy something for them.   I will go today at lunch and see if there is something I can cherish.. something to all their own..  my twins. 

Here is the picture we are going to use to make the "official" announcement.

Monday, April 1, 2013

NT Scan and more...

We had the NT Scan done today... Both babies are perfect.   They are measuring right on schedule and were moving and wiggling all over the place.   Both have 10 fingers and toes.  I am so very happy that everything is looking good.   My placenta is not low lying and it is in a good position (important as they both share the same one)   I got to see one of the Dr's who helped me with JJ's care and it felt good to be back in PPA facility.  I'm sure we will be seeing a lot of one another!   It feels like eternity of pregnancy already and we are only at 12 weeks.   As I edge into the second trimester I'm hopeful to recover my ability to eat dinner and have enough energy to workout again!  

Here is a sneaky  peak of my two beautiful kiddo's - happy and whole.. perfect and strong!