Friday, March 22, 2013

Nearing 12

I am nearly 12 weeks along now.   Reflecting on another time when I was already bursting with pride about a pregnancy.   As all BLM's know..  once you have loss you are never "expecting" or "having a baby"you are "pregnant".   I'm so very hopeful and so very blessed that so far so good on these two beauties but lingering in the back of my heart is the what if and when scenario.   I hate to say stuff like that but I can't help the fact that it creeps in... Grief like a thief took my innocence.    So much can happen in 28 more weeks and nothing I can do will change the outcome (well ok so a lot is up to me but you know even the best laid plans) .

Forever an optimist I force, crunch, grit, squirm and pinch these feelings into the back of my mind.  If I had a way to get rid of them completely I'd dot it..  When a dark thought creeps... I close my eyes tight and picture Jonathan and my husband... I immediately come up with something funny... anything I can think of that made me laugh recently.   That helps.

I got released from Pelvic rest (ohh la la)  and I am now able to either swim or do yoga as long as I have no impact and keep my heart rate relatively down.   A far cry from my combat / step days but hey I'll TAKE that over not being able to do anything.... 

I ordered 2 DVD's and a new speedo maternity to try on - Just need a little sun on my legs so I don't make the pool glow and I'm ready!  Move over Kathy Austin mommas got some yoga to do!   My plan is to do yoga 2 days a week and swim 2 days a week.   I figure 4 hours vs 7 or 8 is a good compromise.  Least that is what I tell my Dr.     I'm hoping that this positive push will also help me with the mind games I play with myself over protecting my heart and letting it love these lives as if they are already here.   Honestly Exercise always does that for me....

Baby A:  Is sitting on my left side and is straight up and down dancing... this baby had the hiccups when we saw him/her in there!
Baby B: is on my right and is completely horizontal.  His/her little head is butting into baby A's shin bones
Both babies have 5 fingers and toes and you can already see the eyes nose and mouth on screen. 

Loving life - checking in and Counting down to the Big NT Scan coming next week!  


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