Tuesday, December 13, 2011

Christmas again

Decorated the big boy place.. stayed to watch a little Arizona critter dig into a hole behind a rock near by. It was really a beautiful day. JJ came with us and left a matchbox truck. Paul and I stood in the awe of Joseph again. how can yet another year have gone by without our beautiful son? Less of the Why's question us and more of the wishes for a different outcome hone in. Watching our JJ touch Josephs foot and seeing how big his hand is in comparison causes reflection. Growth, cycles of grief. Each time I circle back it gets a little larger. longer gaps in between big boy place visits. less tears for no reason. I am softer.. So much softer. A kinder spirit. With each breath I wish for him.. but with knowing I understand it all. Finally the gravity all sunken in and only the choice to make continuous our hope.

Joseph can you hear mommy? I love you beautiful boy. I love you with so much of my heart. I feel your Christmas spirit and remember you always. To heaven and back... Mom