Friday, June 3, 2011

Stepping out



I am taking another leap ahead of grief and life after having my rainbow baby. I go back to work on Monday. Yes.. but not sadly I go. I've been in this house for so long.. with grief as my wing man.. then hope as my guide.. now baby in my arms but, I'm ready. I got my clothes out.. ironed and ready.. I will fix my hair this weekend as to not show my age too badly. I will put makeup on daily again. I will return to the road as a warrior of all that there has been in my life a different person. The little things just don't matter to me at work... So what if someone is a little late.. or that driver cut me off on the way in.. I don't care anymore if my coffee is cold or if I won't get that "prefered" parking spot. I've got my big girl pants on and am so ready to be THAT girl again. the one with confidence.. the one with Joy and pride.. The one who they look at and say good things about. I am no longer she who lost a child.. I am the one who was brave enough to try again and sucseed. I am the one who faced down all adversity and in my option with honor. I have worn my emotions on my sleeve. I have not hidden from the pain or the reality. I never chose this life.. but I am damn proud of it.. I will be there Monday.. at work.. and although you may not know it by looking at me.. Strong.. With every beat of my heart determination and courage ring out. I swallow my fears and spit them back out with proof that it is my choosing.. to move on.. and forward. Stepping out again with grace. See you soon new world and look out.. nothing can stop me.. Not death.. not fear.. not sadness.. not worry.. not YOU because it is ME who is living.

3 comments:

Chasing Rainbow said...

You are truly a living testament of faith and love Brandy.

Little JJ is lucky to have a great mama like you. Good luck on taking that leap...I'm right behind you.

xo
Salma

Stephanie said...

You GO!

Ashley said...

I. LOVE. IT!!!! You are all those things and more, and I keep watching you, hoping to step in those amazing prints you are leaving behind!