Tuesday, May 17, 2011

More Penny

When you have a rainbow born on the same day of the month as the child who is in heaven.. your milestones and remembrance days get mixed up and all mashed together. Joseph and Jonathan born on the 15th of the month. Now I know that once Jonathan is over a year.. we won't be counting down those monthly milestones as much and this will get easier but... right now it is a little hard. Yesterday we had every intention on going to "the big boy place" to have another picture of my boys together and to celebrate JJ's 2 months and Josephs 20 month anniversary. Needless to say we did not make it out there. It is only 5 miles down the road and we didn't get there? Yes I know things happen and priority is for our little guy at home but emotionally that was hard on me. I wanted to get there. I tried to get here.. I needed to be there and yet.. did not. Silent tears fall. As I choked them back and finished the things that needed to be done around the house before a new week began.. I found it.. another Penny. It was in the laundry with the towels.. Yes with the towels so no possible way it could have slipped from a coat or pants pocket.. It was not in there when I put the towels in to dry.. In fact we never herd the clang of it as the dryer tumbled.. So I got my boy on HIS day anyway. In the midst of grief and worry over not being there for my "big boy" he was there for me.. AGAIN.

Joesph can you hear mommy? More pennies please.. they make me feel happy and clam. they let me know you are sending kisses down to me.. and I am thankful. I miss you so much sweet guy.. My baby boy.. Always love, mom.


Anonymous said...

I've read your blog since just after Joseph passed. Your words are an inspriation! I also know you have new mommy brain...aren't the boys 17 months apart...? I could have my math wrong to... Best wishes!

PB&J said...

I can't count ha ha ha