Friday, May 27, 2011

The good.. the bad.. the ugly

Yes I am so excited that my rainbow baby is here. No.. I did not get postpartum depression like I thought I would.. Yes this baby is a tough cookie. No.. it is not fun right now. My life today is absolutely everything I've always wanted and then nothing like I thought it would be.
Our little JJ has Acid Reflux. What I thought was colic was not.. it was an extreme case of the burning.. hurting.. cry himself to sleep stuff. I spend most of my days with worry that he is not getting enough to eat.. then if there is anytime left if I've done enough for him to sooth his hurting body. My baby Wants to be so happy. If we are not eating.. burping.. doing tummy time or sleeping.. he does smile and tries like hell to eat even though it hurts.
We have a GI specialist that we will see soon. Until then we are holding on for this ride. I am not complaining. I am seriously in love with this child.. BUT I am also ready for this to end. It may take months for him to outgrow this and I'm here to say BOO. We start each day with such promise. He takes Prevacid and some dark karo syrup (so it does not bind him up) We wait and hope.. and then begin to feed him. Some feedings are ok.. no screaming.. Others will tear your heart out of your chest. Sometimes he eats well.. Others he tosses it all across the room. We never know what is going to happen I've seen milk come out this child's eyes.. nose.. mouth.. I've literally held him as he gasps for air and chokes. I have cried many many times and prayed for relief. I've fed him in the tub.. lap.. boppy.. sling.. while walking.. singing.. talking.. with the vacuum on or the TV up. I've just about exhausted everything in the "fussy baby" book to try...

Yes.. this is a growing thing.. YES it will get better.. No I'm not a quitter.. and No I'm not complaining.. I just wish this poor kid could eat a ton of food and feel good about it... Although I understand a Mothers love all too well.. it has a new level of importance when your child is here. is hurting.. and you sometimes can't comfort him. No I'm sure he'll be fine.. Just wishing for today instead of tomorrow.


Ashley said...

Brandy my dear friend. You are the best of moms, with the best of the best little JJ, and even the best of the best have things go wrong, things to complain about and get off their chest. Don't feel guilty that this is hard, give me a call if you need to vent, or if you need an hour to breath...JJ can cry for Jaxon and I as easily as he can cry for you, and you could go get a diet coke and some sanity!!!! LOVE YOU GUYS!

Ashley said...

PS- I mean it! Call me if you need us, we will come over PRONTO!!!

Salma's Visual Notes said...

I know you're not complaining. Take care, I love seeing your little Rainbow. I am thinking of you both.

I pray that God will make it easy for little JJ.

Love Salma