Paul and I decorated Josephs "big boy place" last weekend. We put his favorite match box car... a Christmas jingle bell and a glass Santa doll. We also adorned the flower holder with Red garland and lots of flowers of pine and holly. Every time I go.. I still cry as I touch his tiny footprint... bronzed in time and perfect. I touch his toes and kiss his little foot and I feel him. Joseph is deep in my heart and I feel him beating there with me, more when it is quiet and I am spending time with just him... as it was the day of decoration. There are days, like today, when I reflect on this past year and the nine months I carried him with me inside. Somehow he feels nearer to me...watching me. As my parenting of a son in heaven unfolds I have found a place I can't describe.. I am proud somehow and humbled always that this little guy chose me to be his mom. The honor I feel in knowing that the care I have taken with his memory and spirit has touched a core. I see a gentler world.. almost another side of the one I knew... It is a beautiful place. I am at peace.
Joseph can you hear mommy? If felt you rock with me while holding your brother inside.. It was surreal and wonderful. you take good care of him.. love mommy
Little Jon are you listening? Grow baby grow and stay with us forever. Let me feel you wiggle each day... I love you mom.