Thursday, December 30, 2010

Car Tears

Some days you just have tears... today mine were in the car when I saw snow in AZ fall onto the high desert mountains. When I thought of how long ago I held my son in my arms and gently said goodbye. When I drove remembering each trip with him in that same car as I sang to him each day. For the what should be but is not. And then I smiled at my belly as I was given a nudge... as if to say We hear you momma... both of us. Reflecting turned to the complicated pregnancy I'm having and still fighting each day to relax and believe that this is right and just as is should be. Tears came again just in a brief period of quite time. Two slow steams at how wonderful my life is... all of it. the good, the bad, the hard, the fun, the up and down.. the wondering and waiting for more of it to unfold. Missing my little man today... As the Car tears roll on.

Joseph can you hear mommy? I know you did today as you blanketed the soft earth with your kisses.. So beautiful you are and so very missed and loved. mom.

Little Jon are you listening? Stay baby Stay.. we need 12 weeks to grow and grow.. I will see you tomorrow and ask that you pass the tests... I'll help you love mom.


Ashley said...

No boy will ever have a better guardian angel than his best friend and brother! I wonder what they are doing as they prepare for Jon to come to you? Promising never to forget each other? Jon Promising to love Mom and Dad double...for all the love that Joseph feels and never got to show you... it's a beautiful thought- thinking of those two together.

SALMA said...

You are so wonderful, I am so sorry for the tears, but I am happy to be here with you on this journey as you wait for Jon.