Monday, October 11, 2010

In one year

Today is 4 days until Joseph's birthday and 5 days until his passing. I find myself in a good place regarding his coming and going... I've worked very hard this year in therapy.. in prayer and in finding the light. I have found peace with so many things that I don't know if I would have ever resolved had this not have happened. I have grown more wise to learn not to speak until I've really thought about what to say.. I have learned to love more deeply than love has ever known before. I have refused to be a statistic or a sad case. I have held my head high.. spoke of my son.. created his legacy that will in turn help those who follow me in this journey of life and loss. In one year I have cried more freely... laughed more deeply.. quieted my spirit and found faith....This year I mothered a son in heaven.. and all that comes along with that. I created a world where I could reach him and in return he came to me with peace.. and sometimes dreams... In one year my life changed just as it would if he were with me... completely. Just like everyone said being a mother would change me it did. I am grateful... In one year I am... me.

Joseph can you hear mommy? I know you can. I still see you when I blink. I feel you in my heart. I reach you in my dreams and love all of you. mommy

Put are you listening? Stay baby stay... keep growing and thriving and join our family in time. You are already a big part of us. I love you little boy... mom.


Melissa said...

This is beautiful, I hope the day is peaceful for you. Thinking of you.

lis said...

oh, that picture.
how i wish he was still in your arms, my friend.

Christy said...

You are in such a good place. Joseph is helping you all the time....Thinking of you as these days approach.

Lisette said...

What a beautiful post!!! I have so many of the same feelings as you as I near Sami's day too.
I am so glad you hear you feel at peace. I pray that as you continue this journey it remains as so. Praying with you my friend. ((HUGS))

Curls O Fred said...

(((hugs))) thinking of you and remembering Joseph.

Salma said...

You are wise and beautiful and so so strong. You have indeed held your head very high, I am glad to know you Brandy.