Monday, October 25, 2010

Candy

I was reading my own blog (from start to finish) and came upon last years Halloween entry. I was just a few short weeks out from Joseph passing and a mess as to be expected. This year I don't think my heart will hurt so much. I am excited to put out some decorations and see all the kids again. Maybe it is the hope growing inside that has lightened my heart...My husband and I live in a great neighborhood full of families and lots of trick or treaties as I call them... I love looking at each child and asking them questions as to what they are or do they want a trick or a treat. There is something so sweet in the sound of a child's voice being assertive that I love. Maybe it is the first time they get to speak for themselves... I encourage them all to participate...Often our dogs hang out at the door (ever hopeful some candy will fall out of the bag onto the floor) but also to greet the little kids as they come. Our dogs usually make the kids feel safe coming to the door and they like to pet them and pat their heads. I usually try to dress them up and have so much fun. I can already see this year coming and feel some of the joy that it once brought coming back. I am glad I've not become jaded and sad for it.. because THIS is the stuff I get to look forward to.. hope with and desire. One day it will be me out there watching my little guy walking alone to a door for the first time.. one day... one day

Joseph can you hear mommy? Time to play a few tricks (but not with my keys please) I see you as a lion or a monkey this year.. walking up to that first door so cute.. Your door in heaven traveled alone to soon but none the less heartwarming in my mind... mom

Little Jon are you listening? Stay baby Stay and put those worries away.. we are going to make it together.. you and me babe... mommy

1 comment:

lis said...

u need to give me a comprehensive cause for your infertility, love!
xoxo
lis