Wednesday, September 8, 2010

Worried and all worked up

First everything is okay... and there seems to be a rash of this going around... in our BLM world....Enough already I can't handle anymore! I am having a huge bleed... huge... Scared out of my mind I went to the emergency women's fetal center thinking the worst had already happened. It DID NOT. Baby b is still with us.. Heart beating fast but just fine. I cried my eyes out.... Nestled in and measuring perfect. Why in the world am I literally bleeding so much that I can not stop the panic and they can't find any reason for it on my ultrasound? How can it be normal? This is not normal and yet the Dr who saw me today (and does not know my history) said.. this is the 3rd one of these I've seen today...like hey no big deal... Okay.. HUGE sigh of relief that nothing is wrong with this little one but come ON can I catch a break here? When should I be more worried that the bleeding is more.... and then NOT okay. I will wait for my regular OB to call me back tomorrow.... Tomorrow I will be 9 weeks and I can't imagine that I will sleep tonight. I wish they could have seen the source of the bleeding.. I wish they could have told me that it was "almost" done or that it would stop by such and such time OR Come back tomorrow so we can check you again just to be safe..... Until now I just pray that baby B hangs on and this is nothing more than a little speed bump to an otherwise perfect healthy and coming home baby.

Joseph can you hear mommy? I am so worried. I know you see me and daddy working with your little brother or sister.. I love you my son with all my heart... mom

Little baby B? Hang in there little love.. in my heart so deep already.. On my mind and worried about you .... sink in and stay for us.. we want you so badly. always and forever your mommy.

5 comments:

Once A Mother said...

praying for little baby b and for your peace of mind, and here with you on this journey in any way you need - to talk, to laugh at our ridiculous crap luck, to vent. here for you...

Jen said...

I am so sorry, I can't imagine how scared you must be..praying for baby B to stay put where he is safe, and for peace to cover you! xoxo

Maureen said...

Brandy,
you said a mouth full all you can do is PRAY!!!!!!!!!!!

Jill said...

Ugh, I am SO sorry you are going through this. I am thinking of you and hoping that the bleed passes and baby b remains strong. HUGS!

Lisette said...

I am so sorry!!! Praying for you.