Just when I started to feel really embraced and ready to tell the world about PUT.. bleeding again.. Not nearly as bad as before but, still.. I just want to Scream.. THIS SUCKS. Being a pregnant BLM is ridiculously hard. Every twinge. wipe.. look in the mirror.. questions my ability to be able to do it... To bring a living child home.. BLECH... horrible spit of vial that I have sitting in the pit of my stomach. To top it all off.. I miss my son so much right now.. To have his what would be heavy head resting against my chest would ease the worry that I contain. Every day is a struggle.. Every day I have to tell myself "everything is gonna be alright". I sometimes feel like one of those blow up punching bags... you remember the kind that had a weight in the bottom and when you whapped at it... it would hit the ground only to come right back up again? That is exactly what I feel like.. I just keep getting back up.. moving forward.. shake my head a little with wonder and worry and move my next foot forward.
Joseph can you hear mommy? I hope you can feel my love... It is so strong that I almost know you can.. mom
Put are you listening? Stay baby stay.. We need you so much and love you more than you will ever understand.. mommy.