To be positive in the face of everything... that is no easy task and yes even I fail to at every twist and turn believe all the time... Not today. Not now and not ever will cast my shadow of doubt. Yesterday and today I was bleeding.. Never a good sign and not what I wanted... I convinced myself and my husband that I'd lost all symptoms of being pregnant... because for some strange reason my pants fit this morning... The mind can play terrible tricks on your body. Your body will give into your mind unless you change it. I went to the Dr today ... not supposed to go but I just could not shake it... the empty feeling... the helplessness. I simply said when I got there.. Please.. Please let this be alright. And Baby B's heart beat... This time we got to hear it. In just 3 short days the little bean grew and looked healthy... Tears of joy spilled and I wept to clear my mind of the fear that was gripping me. Released that strong hold and exhaled a giant sigh of Hope.
Joseph can you hear mommy? I saw your t-rex in the cloud on the way home... I am happy you are playing in heaven... So clearly and so wonderful you are beautiful... mom
Baby B Jean are you listening... I also saw you today in my belly.. beating and laughing... I can only guess you will be a little girl as only one made from me could give so much trouble in so short of time.... I love you now and always.. Mommy