Wednesday, August 18, 2010

The great unknown

Sometimes it is hard to not know... and other times I wish I did not know at all any of this. I am having trouble keeping focused right now. I am... believe me... doing everything that I know how to do and more....but doubt keeps creeping in that I am really pregnant again and this is our baby to take home. Every little thing that happens makes me nervous and the last thing I need to be is high strung or worried for any reason. I know everything is going to be alright but that does not stop my mind from turning sharp and quick into what if... not.. and then what happens. I trace the steps of my pregnancy with Joseph and all was perfect the whole time... no indication that anything was wrong so how in the heck do I just take that plunge of believing? The answer is I just do. I just have to. I press forward into the great unknown and try to turn on my suspension of disbelief mind on full power. I rest easy in little tricks I play with myself... Ah.. This is how someone can drive themselves crazy... but, I'm already a little crazy anyway. As a new day dawns and I reach out into the great unknown... Peace fills my heart hope guides my way and love is what helps me make it to the next minute.

Joseph can you hear mommy? I picture you in heaven paving the path for this or these gentle souls... who is it to be your little brother or sister or both? I love you ... the littlest Jean, Mommy


Sole Sister Salma said...

I understand how you feel Brandy. My struggles are up and down. But as you said, you are reaching into the great unknown, and I guess, it's life-we never know what will happen. I pray for peace in this time.

Lisette said...

It's not an easy road but just keep that positive attitude. Praying for you.

Jill said...

Traveling this road of pregnancy after loss is so hard. Thinking of you as always!!