This Thursday I will have that chance.. the one where I am able to give and accept life again. Thursday we will have our Retrieval for IVF. This is our second IVF... and we have had 2 FET so far. The first time we had IVF... we did not get to do a fresh transfer due to a polyp that they found during stimulation (I guess that decided to grow along with the stim drugs. So last time I had egg retrieval surgery we just stopped everything else and froze our embryo. FET 1 produced our precious Joseph Henry... FET 2 produced a tiny hopeful fighting baby that lived 6 weeks and 3 days. I know my body can do it. I feel more ready now than I have ever felt during any procedure. I am more calm... older... wiser.. Able to accept more challenges or changes without freaking out. Most of all I just feel so excited. I have a chance at new life again. I never thought in a million years I'd be doing this again and even more than that I never thought it would get to be this soon. Arizona has some of the worst laws for IVF. Recently they just past a handful of really crappy ones. Don't need to get started on those feelings. All I know is that without the love, support and help I have recieved from so many people (including everyone in BLM and Infertility blog land) I wouldn't be where I am now. Open, honest, Free, ready, hopeful... amazed.
Joseph can you hear mommy? Tell your little buddies up there where I am. I am ready for your brother or sister or both. I love you dear sweet son... until always, mom.