Tuesday, July 13, 2010

Eager

I am eager to do more... say more.. help more.. Love more.. learn more... Breaking out of the deepest darkest depths of grief I awoke to knowing that something is out there that I need to be doing.. for others. I dip my toe in the water now and then but really I need more to do. The blogs I read feed this need and this blog I write releases that desire some. I wish I painted... wrote poetry... baked in clay or had some other way to express this peace I've found but I don't have that thing others do to show expressions. Instead I work out. I know sounds strange but that is what I do. I teach others how to exercise while gaining speed from them I am pushed to better myself at the same time. Working out brings me joy. The thump of the music... the fill of the room with people... the timing of it all. Each step better than the next like a crescendo of pent up grief being released outwardly. In the end I leave feeling exhausted and a rush of adrenaline sooths that hunger for this more... and more.. that I have to do. I am thankful for this ability and this passion of mine. It really gets all the emotions out and leaves me feeling accomplished and fiery for what is to come. Once I can stop this focus on myself I'd love to teach others how to deal with grief through movement. It is explosive and really powerful. All sorts of things have been dreamed up in my head of what this will look like. I can't wait to offer it to all.

Joseph can you hear mommy? I felt you shift in stride today. Must have been that baby thump of you falling hard after trying to walk. Moved me. I miss you terribly and love you with all that I am... mom.

4 comments:

Sherry said...

It's really amazing how healing and powerful exercise can be. I know it truly helps how I feel...On another note, I think you write beautifully. I was drawn to your blog initially because of it.

elena said...

Very inspiring post, I can't wait to see how your idea unfolds and becomes reality one day. I think its a wonderful idea! I love when I feel motivated like this :) thank you for sharing your heart.

Maureen said...

Brandy,
Don't you know you already are.....I read your blog and am amazed by the way you express yourself, the way you are looking forward rather than looking back ward. I have written about you in my blog and am so impressed at how you have taken your experiences and helped others. You can use your line of work as a ministry to help others not only body but soul.. You are an encouragement to me and others. I know this because I read the comments they have made. You are loved by many me included. Continue doing what you are doing because God is using you to reach out to others. Don't underestimate what HE is doing in and through you.... God Bless You, Maureen

Teresa said...

Brandy, I am so proud of you. My goodness, it hasn't even been a year yet and look where you are today...simply amazing! If everyone could be this determined and driven to focus their pain and grief into greatness, the world really would be different. Brandy there are those who can do nothing but transmit their pain to others, but you have the gift of transforming yours. Be so proud of yourself today, and all days, you really are "doing good in his name."
Hugs, Teresa
BTW, re: the above post, beautifully stated, Maureen! :)