Thursday, June 24, 2010

small


do you ever feel so small that it is as if you are invisible? that your voice isn't loud enough and for some reason you just can seem to be heard.. noticed.. seen... today i feel small. like a tiny broken winged bird. i am pleading with my heart but no words come out. the lump in my throat clogs the path of my voice. i don't have anything to say... so i weep. and i weep and i weep silent hot tears today. there is no reason only release. there is no pain i am just weak at the moment and am allowing for it all to soak in. i am small and tired. tired of the relentless task of not having a living child. how did i get here.. where did i go so wrong. like the ... dots on my pages waiting for the and then part.... so i take a moment to just be in myself and allow for those tears to roll and pain to hollow out my stomach until my pity party of sorrow is gone. it feels better already. this release... this place of peace. to hope without questions and to seek without answers.

Joseph can you hear mommy? I miss you with every ounce that I am today. but i love with all that there is more in me than this pain. mommy.

5 comments:

Jill said...

Sometimes we just need to have that release. Thinking of you!! xoxo

Salma said...

I don't know Brandy, I have my girls, I miss my son, but I don't know how "it" feels and I am so sorry for that.

I am sorry for the pain...is that enough for me to say? I wish I could say and do more.

lis said...

i hope today is better, brandy. but i think days like this are just a way of life for us from now on.
xoxo

Teresa said...

This picture is beautiful and speaks volumes about your and Paul's commitment and love for one another.
Release is imperative. I know you hear so often how "strong" you are and they're right, but you're still human. I commend you for allowing yourself to go there. You needed it. I'm taking a deep, cleansing breath for you and for all mom's who have felt this way. Sending hugs from across the miles. -Teresa

Maureen said...

Brand,
Teresa has said exactly what I wanted to say. You do need to let this out. You will grow stronger through this. God doesn't give us more than we can handle. I have said this from the beginning you are amazing. You have all of us praying for you. Praying for God's will in your life........Love from your blogger friend Maureen