Thursday, June 24, 2010
do you ever feel so small that it is as if you are invisible? that your voice isn't loud enough and for some reason you just can seem to be heard.. noticed.. seen... today i feel small. like a tiny broken winged bird. i am pleading with my heart but no words come out. the lump in my throat clogs the path of my voice. i don't have anything to say... so i weep. and i weep and i weep silent hot tears today. there is no reason only release. there is no pain i am just weak at the moment and am allowing for it all to soak in. i am small and tired. tired of the relentless task of not having a living child. how did i get here.. where did i go so wrong. like the ... dots on my pages waiting for the and then part.... so i take a moment to just be in myself and allow for those tears to roll and pain to hollow out my stomach until my pity party of sorrow is gone. it feels better already. this release... this place of peace. to hope without questions and to seek without answers.
Joseph can you hear mommy? I miss you with every ounce that I am today. but i love with all that there is more in me than this pain. mommy.
at 6:20 PM