Monday, April 5, 2010

Numb


One of the greatest feelings in my life is in the picture above. The first and only time I got to hold my son. The first and only day I got to kiss him and feel his body next to mine. One day of absolute bliss. Longing for that feeling again. I ache. I have never had a miscarriage before Saturday. I have read about them but I didn't know the pain. I feel numb. I feel empty. I felt my body letting go and there was absolutely nothing I could do about it. Disappointed... and sad. It is time for rest. My mind needs healing.. My heart needs to be replenished with strength once more. Feeling as if time has gone backwards somehow. I am sad for my journey....that it is this hard. Once the numbness wears off you will see... all that I am... resilient.

Joseph can you hear mommy? watch for the littlest Jean spirit. I love you my son. I miss you so much. My arms ache for you and your light. You are still shining in my heart and beating it for me today. Until forever, mommy.

4 comments:

Jenn said...

Oh Brandy I am so sorry. My heart just breaks for you. Still your strength and courage is so amazing and an inspiration to me. Thinking of you.

lis said...

xoxo brandy i can't even imagine. sending you some prayers for peace and a break from the pain

Lisette said...

I am so so sorry. I pray God is gentle with you heart so you can find some peace within. I am praying for you, ((HUGS)).

Lisette said...

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