Monday, April 5, 2010
One of the greatest feelings in my life is in the picture above. The first and only time I got to hold my son. The first and only day I got to kiss him and feel his body next to mine. One day of absolute bliss. Longing for that feeling again. I ache. I have never had a miscarriage before Saturday. I have read about them but I didn't know the pain. I feel numb. I feel empty. I felt my body letting go and there was absolutely nothing I could do about it. Disappointed... and sad. It is time for rest. My mind needs healing.. My heart needs to be replenished with strength once more. Feeling as if time has gone backwards somehow. I am sad for my journey....that it is this hard. Once the numbness wears off you will see... all that I am... resilient.
Joseph can you hear mommy? watch for the littlest Jean spirit. I love you my son. I miss you so much. My arms ache for you and your light. You are still shining in my heart and beating it for me today. Until forever, mommy.
at 5:07 AM