Thursday, April 29, 2010

Frustrated

So it has been about a lot of other people for me lately... helping.. hoping.. holding and keeping going on. I have been lighter and happier than I have been since Joseph died... I still have a quick cry reflex when news is either good or bad even if not for me. I notice even more so now.. that I want for other people... what I want... a complete family... not just my missing child back.. Because if that could happen I don't think any of this would make sense at all... I want for all the mothers to have babies again.. those who can't anyway... Does that make any sense? A good friend just received news that her IVF did not work and it crushed me just the same as if it were happening to me. My sensitive side (one that I did not know really existed) is in overdrive. I see more clearly other peoples hurts, desires and hopes and jump right in with them to be on the journey.. I will never know why... I don't ask anymore. Frustration for everyone who is, was, can't be but is trying to and are now but so scared because of what we all know can happen. Just want to burst. I think it is frustration...

Joseph can you hear mommy? I love you my perfect.. little wonderful boy.. my son in heaven who just is and I miss you so much... watch for all the little angels coming your way .... soak them up and shine your love. You are a gift... until forever.. mommy.

5 comments:

littleharves said...

its beautiful to have so much empathy for other people , i really love the way you end all your blog posts , big hugs, anne xxx

Christy said...

I know how you feel....wanting everyone to get pregnant and have healthy pregnancies. It's like I know exactly how much love we are missing out on and I want that for those who want to get pregnant, too. It's good that you are helpful to your friends. Sometimes that is therapy for us...helping others.

Kerry Ann said...

Brandy, you have such a big heart. I pass your house on Flint Hill everyday on my way home. Then, Katelyn and I look down to the fields at Madison to see who's out there playing. Sometimes I feel so jealous, those students out there playing, most of them so innocent to the big things in life. Totally random, but I wanted to share.

Ashley said...

Thanks to you dear friend. thank you.

Once A Mother said...

you have such a kind heart and this post really speaks to that. hugs