Wednesday, April 21, 2010

Feelings


I have feelings sometimes... of Joseph. Actually of him. I feel my stomach roll or my rib ache where he used to kick. I know that he is with me always but sometimes it is so real The tiny pressure on my finger of his hand griping mine... the heavy head resting in my arms. Sometimes it is so real.. and then phantom. I see him in clouds or the way the sun rises.. I feel him in my body... it is so hard to explain. Warm comfort and then awe... It happens fast and goes quickly but it is so real that I can see him resting there.. still with me.. safe. I love the way that feels.

Joseph can you hear mommy? I feel you my son.. and see you in the good you are doing for others. The pain of missing you comes.... and there you are. I love you little one... my own. mom.

3 comments:

Once A Mother said...

i remember in the early days after losing Peyton, the first 6 or 8 months, I used to feel little flutters in my stomach that felt like her kicks, and my arms would just ache to hold her. Reading this made me think of that.

Thinking of you and praying it gets easier.

xx

lis said...

oh my god brandy that picture is so beautiful. what an amazingly adorable child...i don't think i've seen a close up of his face like that.

sometimes i let myself believe that they are still inside of me, just real real small...then i remember they are, just in my heart instead of my belly.

xoxos

Jill said...

What sweet, sweet feelings to have. I love that you see Joseph in the clouds and with the rising sun.