Saturday, March 20, 2010

Realistic

And so the news about me being pregnant with my rainbow is not great... but not over yet. I have to be realistic to protect my heart. My pregnancy test was positive on Friday and I should be so excited, however, the number they were looking for was an 80... Mine was a 12. I know that numbers don't mean much but, my Dr followed up his news by stating this... I've been in practice for 20 years and in that time only 1 person with a number so low was actually pregnant. So I continue my meds until Monday and wait. I hope deeply but my realistic mind won't go all the way into believing. The chance of this child surviving so small I've almost already begun to grieve again. I am stuck in this place of not knowing... hoping... wishing... wondering... and sorrow.. It is almost like I know it didn't work but my body has tried so hard for me that it wanted to show a faint positive. With my head tall I stand. With my mind understanding I move forward again. Today is also the "walk of hope" very fitting. I am joining thousands of families who are not yet complete as we RESOLVE our dreams together. We walk for Joseph. We walk for this new life trying so hard to make it. We walk for our future and for never giving up until our family complete.

Joseph can you hear mommy? We will be walking for you today. Look for all of us as we march along so proud to be your family.. your friends.... your mommy.

6 comments:

My life said...

I am so sorry you are going through this. I had my baby the same day as you and conceived my rainbow in December only to miscarry on New years. At first I was devistated, and the loss of Nathan seared me again with fresh greif. Although I was hurting at the loss of my rainbow, the reality for me was that I was still so overcome with greif from the baby that I birthed into this world that I felt the need to find peace in that first. I will be praying that your rainbow holds on and that you are able to deliver a beautiful, healthy baby in time for Christmas. But if that is not the case, please know that I will be praying for your journey and trust that God has something great planned for you.

Salma said...

Thinking about you my dear Brandy and hoping tht it is indeed good news. God can make anything happen.

I hope you find your place of healing in the grief that is there from Joseph and whatever comes in the next week.

*HUGS*

Lisette said...

Sending you ((HUGS))

Elizabeth said...

Walk by Faith and God will be with you every step of the way. Hold your head up high and know you are loved. *hugs*

lis said...

oh sweetie im thinking of you. don't give up hope yet!!!

xoxoxoxo

Once A Mother said...

I read this after commenting on your latest post. I am keeping my fingers crossed. My sister's numbers were always low and she has two kids :)