And so the news about me being pregnant with my rainbow is not great... but not over yet. I have to be realistic to protect my heart. My pregnancy test was positive on Friday and I should be so excited, however, the number they were looking for was an 80... Mine was a 12. I know that numbers don't mean much but, my Dr followed up his news by stating this... I've been in practice for 20 years and in that time only 1 person with a number so low was actually pregnant. So I continue my meds until Monday and wait. I hope deeply but my realistic mind won't go all the way into believing. The chance of this child surviving so small I've almost already begun to grieve again. I am stuck in this place of not knowing... hoping... wishing... wondering... and sorrow.. It is almost like I know it didn't work but my body has tried so hard for me that it wanted to show a faint positive. With my head tall I stand. With my mind understanding I move forward again. Today is also the "walk of hope" very fitting. I am joining thousands of families who are not yet complete as we RESOLVE our dreams together. We walk for Joseph. We walk for this new life trying so hard to make it. We walk for our future and for never giving up until our family complete.
Joseph can you hear mommy? We will be walking for you today. Look for all of us as we march along so proud to be your family.. your friends.... your mommy.