Thursday, March 18, 2010

Occupied

My mind is filled with the what ifs... and hopes are darting around in there somewhere... It is very hard not letting those pesky doubts loose. Tomorrow is the day we find out if the FET worked... two more shots to go...All of it I will do again if needed. Strength is coming in from unexpected sources. I am surprised now at how many BLM's I've met that also are dealing with infertility. It breaks my heart. It also shows me that death happens to more than just me and to suck it up.... How I wish I could just have some "fun" and wake up pregnant. So far I've met and chatted to 4 BLM's in this same boat and now I'm sure that their are more...but even 4 makes this world seam smaller. Somehow comforted we roll. Still going to work.. Still doing the house work.. Still being a wife, daughter, friend. All the while my heart with each beat thinking... Joseph... new life and my mind otherwise... Occupied.

Joseph can you hear mommy? I love you sweet little son. I am sending you kisses and snuggles and love. So much of what I do is for you. I miss you my baby. Love, mom.

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