The magnitude of change can not be registered yet. The full realization of all the happenings not all the way sunk in. One thing I do know is that February is a good day for family. One year ago we found out we where pregnant with Joseph. I had driven to the Dr office on my way to work so he could draw some blood. We had done IVF and had completed our two week wait. The Dr. called me around 9 in the morning... Brandy, he said: "congratulations your going to be a mom". My smile beaming from ear to ear... my hand automatically touching my belly as if to feel him kick for the first time already. Proud... excited... elated. I called my husband right after......... I can still hear his smile. So yesterday almost 1 year to the time we where given the green light to try for another baby. My uterus has not given up yet. She has survived... Joseph.. the trauma.. the surgery and has healed. I need to thank her in the only way I know how.... I placed my hand on my belly as if to cradle her in my palm. Gentle is the whisper I hear back... New hope that we can have success feels good on the grief. It helps warm up some of the dark patches that seem to try to fossilize on my lungs. Deep hope... that we can add to our family has begun.
Joseph can you hear mommy? I knew you were a boy from today last year... You are amazing... I am so grateful for all the time we had... my son. Love mommy