Friday, February 12, 2010
Give Sorrow Words
When the pain wells up in the center of your belly and there is nowhere left to turn, I use words to get the sorrow out. There has not yet been any anger. How Can I be angry when Joseph was so perfect. I have had a lot of questions of why. I have certainly had my fair share of disbelief but, mostly... it is just the sorrow that needs a vehicle to get OUT...
Bitting and clawing in the core of my stomach. Oozing from the tear ducts like sap on a tree. Real, Thick sorrow. I miss my son. He tried so hard to survive. Josephs APGAR score? Zero Twelve minutes without breath and then he did it. Seeing him in his isolate knowing that there was nothing left that could be done....
My eyes tell the story like a window to my soul. You can see the ripping of my heart in the loss of my son. Purging the words of sorrow off my chest I RISE ... above and heal from within. I give this page the words so that I may move forward.
So that my sorrow can escape...so that it won't rot in the underbelly of I miss yous. I know, yes... I KNOW sorrow has its place. I give it words each day.
Joseph can you hear mommy? I am happy for your healing in heaven. No hurt.. No pain. Just LOVE. Your love Radiates out and down and enters this life beautiful.
I love you so much. Mommy.
at 4:13 AM