Thursday, January 14, 2010

Thunderstorms

We had a booming thunderstorm last night. It was after I went to bed and the dogs were all up in a roar about it. They barked and ran in and out. I woke to the sound of the thunder rolling over the house. Long, deep rolls of thunder that lasted forever. Loud roars in my ears. I used to be afraid of thunderstorms. Not like terrified or anything I just used to curl up a little more in bed when they happened. I used to pull the sheets up high to cover up. Not anymore. Now I feel powerful when the storm hits. It jolts me awake and I listen. I am listening to the storm. It is like the thunder echoes in my heart. Ah, relief as finally the outside world can hear what my insides have sounded like to me since Joseph died. I feel the same way as the storm. Angry, tight, deep pressure, roaring. Then the rain comes. It washes that pent up feeling away and I am cleansed by it. Relief. I love a good thunderstorm.

Joseph can you hear mommy? I love you my son. The capacity to love you limitless. Until forever. mom.

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