It is locked. It might be... open it anyway. I'm not crazy... I just feel as if Every door I try to open is locked ... or welded shut. I'm not sure why my journey is so tough. I have never been given the things I want easily... always had to work for it. I'm not sure why I continue to be optimistic. I just am. I do get tired of every door being so difficult... but then I think about it some more... and realise that it is not just this door... it is just my life. I choose to either be in it and deal with all that I have in a positive way or I don't. If I am negative the doors will still be locked. I just wont' have the streangth to unlock them or.... get out my welding gun to pry it open. So... I guess I just have to open each door... no matter how hard. Smile at the other side and show that I have yet again have won another battle. My my wounds shine like trophies of pride. My badges like a warrior are of honor. Why so optimistic? Because the one thing I have never been beaten down for is LOVE. For all of the things in life to be so hard... LOVE has not been. Real... reckless... unbridled... passionate... powerful and pure. I am opening the door to try for another baby... right now it is locked. I will get it open.
Joseph can you hear mommy? Toss me down some keys... I could use a little help... I love you sweet baby of mine... I love you. mom.