Oh Joe, my little touch and go. You came to us so briefly. Our lives changed forever. I remember every second of you while we were in the hospital. Every blink of my eye a captured memory to keep. One very touching moment was when your nurse came in after you had passed to take little impressions of your feet. I was still holding you as we pushed those big toes into the play doe. Yes, you even got to play with play doe. I had you in my lap with your head resting against my chest. My heart beating hard and loudly as if I could somehow make mine beat for yours. The play doe works better than regular plaster, the nurse said. We cast your feet to make the mold. Then your feet impressions got a nice plaster treatment. They turned out so good. They even brushed them blue for boy. I can feel you when I touch them now. Every striation is there. Every toe to touch and to glide my fingers across. Sometimes I feel them so much that I wonder if I will rub away the plaster. I try to keep them perfect so that they will stay the way they are always. Today would have been the first day your dad cared for you all by himself. I should have been returning to work. He was planning on staying home with you for as many weeks as he could. You might have been taking your first airline trip to meet your great grandparents. Just some of the plans already laid before your born. Things are so different now. I am not at work this week but, your dad is. No trip planned. The harsh reality that we only have those plaster molds to touch a part of you. I am grateful to have them. An actual part of you.. that has a memory of me holding you together and always.
Joseph can you hear mommy? I love you babe... I love you, mommy.