Thursday, January 21, 2010

Maybe

When I first tried to get pregnant with Joseph.... well it took a long time for him to arrive lets just put it that way. By the time I had gone to the infertility Dr. I thought for sure he would have arrived sooner than he did. There were many blips and bl ops along with way with his arrival... Each step I had with conceiving him a little longer than I thought. A little more painful than I hoped but, time has erased those issues. He came when he was supposed to come and I know that now. What a child and what a ride.. So special and so, well... amazing. It is raining here today and it is very soothing to hear raindrops outside my window as I write. I am so calm. I feel differently than I have before when facing an obstacle. Today I will find out if any damage was done during my pregnancy with Joseph. Damage being relative because I know what it did to my heart. I'm going to see if any internal damage was done to my uterus. I have a test...today. They will inflate me with water and check for scare tissue or lumps or possibly infection. We will see today if my body has weathered this Storm. So different. .. my maybe for another baby. There is no sudden rush. There is no giant wave of worry. This time it just is.... where the journey takes me.

Joseph can you hear mommy? Oh, Joseph Jean... how much I love you...... mom.

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