Sunday, January 31, 2010

Glimps of Normal


I got a glimpse of my new normal this weekend... I laughed.... I mean I really laughed... They kind where all your makeup runs off your face becuase you can't stop and you don't care if the mascara smears. Ah....I forgot how much I like her. That person who is not so sad... not so serious...not so hurt. I had a chance to really feel that everything was going to be okay. I know I will have a child of my own.. here with me. I know that family will always include my son in heaven. His brothers or sisters will know him as I do... spiritually. We will all be together again and I KNOW it now... as I am moving my feet one in front of the other... no steps behind not going back...looking forward eyes facing up.... I still have tears. I still miss my son... but I am keeping going. A glimpse of my new normal is much like my old only much more rich. My life has so much more meaning. My love is deaper.. greater... fuller... tighter and finally has laughter.

Joseph can you hear mommy? I hope you had as much fun seeing mommy laugh as I enjoyed doing it... I could feel you giggling along with me. Radiating from my soul.
I love you until forever... mommy.

3 comments:

Huntress said...

BJ, I so love this pic of you and Paul. Yes. There is such love and joy radiating out of you both AND a deeper maturity...grounded...wise. There is such polishing of any of us who makes journeys into the unknown countries of anguish and suffering. That's what you both radiate...the polishing of your souls and the love that blooms from the cracked open, broken hearts. I love YOU both so much...and am grateful again and again that you are in my life and I yours, Dear One. Can't wait to see you all in February...

Once A Mother said...

I love that you have found your laughter... you continue to be in my thoughts and prayers

Kerry Ann said...

What a great post. I remember when I first started laughing, I felt so guilty,. but I now know it's okay. You said it perfectly when you said "my new normal is much like my old only much more rich". You will always be a better person because of Joseph. We all will.