Today is my first day back to teaching classes at the gym. I am wondering who will come and how I will feel. The last time I taught I was still pregnant with my little guy. There are so many people there that have been with me the whole time... All of the years we struggled to get pregnant and then the whole 9 months during. Almost all of my aqua members came to Josephs service. They will be supportive today I know.. but they will also cry I am sure. I find myself consoling others a lot. Letting them know I'm OK. Am I OK? really? No... I know the answer to that one but it just seems like the only logical thing to say. I mean physically I am doing OK I know but how can I be OK when Joseph is not here with me? I'm not. Working out helps ease the heartache some. Talking about Joseph with other people who didn't get to know him helps a lot too. But being OK? I wonder what I'll answer when they ask.
Joseph can you hear mommy? Hi baby. I'm on my way to the gym today just like we did for so many mornings together. I used to joke that you were holding on to the umbilical cord while I was teaching. Were you? I know you love some of the songs I am teaching today. I remember the flips and flops in my belly. I hope you are dancing in heaven.. I'm teaching today for you.
All of my love, mom