Saturday, December 26, 2009

Somehow

Somehow I am doing "it". I am living life after Josephs death. I'm not sure really how this is... that you can go on but you do. Other mom's who have had loss said this would happen and people who have experienced death before told me it would get better. I did not believe them as I imagine nobody would when you are in it for real. But, here I sit smiling at life. My husband and I refreshed from a nice get a way. We are laughing with one another again. We are able to talk about our son fondly. There are still tears... lots of them but they don't burn on the way down my face as they once did. There are part of who I am now. So for those who want to know how I am doing "it" I can now say... somehow I just am. I am not broken... I am just really different. Just because I am living with a baby in heaven does not mean I can't be who I want to be. I still have dreams... of building a family. I have lots of hope and I believe somehow each day will be a little easier. Somehow I will come to understand completely as my life's journey unfolds.

Baby Joe Jean.... can you hear mommy? I love you. You melt my heart with pride for you and I am beaming. Love, mommy.

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