Wednesday, December 23, 2009


Angels cried with me yesterday. Tears from heaven streamed down from above to dampen the dry desert again. It was cold and wet and I went out anyway. I wanted to feel the drops of rain on my skin. To feel the cold on my face and in my fingers. My legs numb from the temperature. When the thunder and lightning struck I hardly noticed that was nature and not my heart breaking. The smell of the earth and the sight of the sun just past the storm... all things necessary and right so that our world can continue. Balance in the face of uncertainty... I could see my own breath as I walked to the park by our house. White clouds of air from my lungs. I had to drink it all in deep gulps. As I am getting air some rain falls directly onto my lips. Is this a kiss from heaven? Are these Josephs tears? He misses his mom and wanted to play with me in the park I am now sitting in alone. I swung on the swing and felt a colder breeze rush past. We cried together, me and the angels and I know that I was not alone.

Joseph can you hear mommy? I love you my sweet son. Tender kisses from me to you have been sent. I am holding you close in my heart. mom.

1 comment:

Christy said...

So sad. My heart aches for you. The sadness is almost too much to bear sometimes. But, as you say, there is balance. Wishing Joseph was in your arms. Hugs.