For the past 3 years my husband and I had been working on a common dream together... to start a family. Joseph was are son, our dream...reached... our happy. We were so excited when we found out I was pregnant. We celebrated each week when we would receive our little email telling us what to expect this week and what the baby was doing inside. We took pictures of my belly every Friday. We were elated when we saw him on the ultrasounds and got to guess when we though he would come into the world. When he was born our dreams came truer and we were so happy and in love. When he died our dreams died a little bit and we are trying to understand that... We have always said that we have been lucky. Lucky in love, lucky in life.... and when Joseph died, well.. we aren't so lucky anymore. We are trying to figure out who we are today, what we want, what we like and what we are doing. We need to get to know each other again... now that so much has changed. Our love is stronger... but there is a difference. We are more protective.. more gentle with one another. We need to find our fun. Before we started down our infertility path we used to have so much fun together... then things were pretty serious for a few years as we buckled down and really focused our attention to creation. month after month.. was I or wasn't I.. then shots, pills, patches and Dr's apt. That is what we did "together" for a long time. It was fun because we were so excited about a baby... about Joseph. We miss our little boy so much that we miss each other even when we are in the same room. I love my family and need to figure out a way not only to be a mom of a baby in heaven, but a wife to a man who's lost his first born son. I don't know what that looks like yet, but we will figure it out. Time to get out of town together and see what we've been missing in each other for a while... who we are now and what each other's hopes and dreams are now. A new kind of love... and I am looking forward to it.
Joseph can you hear mommy? Hi, baby.... I love you dearly and you make me smile. I am so proud of you. You are my dream come true and a beautiful one at that. You are so powerful for one so young... Thank you for sending Emma in this morning.. she snuggled in at 3 am between me and your dad and we felt your love. Sending you kisses and joy... mommy.