Tuesday, December 15, 2009

My baby

My baby boy is whispering in the soft cold breeze..."I love you mom". I can hear him cooing with little baby giggles in the background of rustling trees everywhere I go when I am outside..."I am safe and happy mommy" I imagine him playing with other babies in heaven. He is learning how to communicate with me. I am learning how to evolve in this spiritual relationship. I listen for him and I open my heart to whatever is going on. I have a hightened sense of everything. I can hear more clearly. I can see further. I can smell differently and I can Feel... I can feel everything. On the surface of my body there is my soul.. exposed to the senses and it is raw with emotion. My soul is reaching to touch my son in heaven but it is not there yet. Like a sound just out of earshot or an object at your fingertips just out of reach... I need practice. So I close my eyes and rock in the nursery. I hold those items I do have of Joseph very tight. His hat, his onesie, his booties and his blanket and I weep. It is not in sorrow so much now but in longing to reach him from here. I want more.

Joseph can you hear mommy? I love you and I am learning for you. My heart is all yours and I can hear you sweet baby of mine. Keep whispering to me. I love you until forever... your mom.

2 comments:

Christy said...

The lack of physical comfort from Chase has been so hard. I can sometimes feel him in my arms in my mind, but then my arms physicially feel so completley empty. I am sorry about Joseph.

Once A Mother said...

just beautiful...