Today feels a little empty. This week has been really emotional and now I feel like I got it all out and there is nothing left. It is kind of like an ocean how the tide of emotions, memories and moments come crashing into my heart. One day I am treading water in the depths of it and then the next I am standing on a sand bar waiting for the tide to come back in. I am now thankful for days like today where I feel a little like my old self again. My mind is clear, my body is strong and my heart is full. I actually took a deep breath. I am pretty sure I will never be the same again and it is nice to have small parts of me feel like me again but... it is so different. When did I get so old? I have an updated picture of myself taken just yesterday... My smile doesn't reach my eyes anymore. I guess that is what I mean by empty.
Joseph can you hear mommy? I stopped by your big boy place yesterday but I'm sure you already know that. The ornament and little Christmas tree are still there, they did not blow away. I miss you my son... My only child... I love you so much and I'm sending you all of my kisses today. mom.