Friday, December 4, 2009

Contents of the box

On the day Joseph died, Paul and I left PCH in hand in hand. Our hearts so heavy. We walked slowly to the car stunned. I remember feeling so defeated Our son was gone, how could this be true? Did that just happen? Yes... and I still had to go back to Banner Dessert hospital for another night. I did not want to go back to the hospital. I wanted to go home, I wanted to be in my bed with my husband and never leave there again. One of the nurses saw us coming and helped us get back to my room. We got settled in and took a few deep breaths. The nurse came to give me pain medicine and dinner.... She brought dinner for Paul to, so kind, so thoughtful. They brought in a cot for Paul to sleep on but, if you ask him he would tell you that the chair would have been much better. My room was so quiet neither Paul nor I had anything to say. Lost is the best word I can think of for that night. A few hours after we were settled in one of the nurses came to check on me... she brought me one white rose in a tiny vase. The nurses had pitched in and bought it for us. So thoughtful, so kind. Then the nurse asked if we had received a grieving package from PCH... no, not really I stated. I think they gave us some paperwork but I was not sure... Silently the nurse walked out.. Ten minutes later she came back with a Box. This box is blue for Boy.. The cover decorated with scrapbook paper and such. The saying on the box " Some people come into our lives and quickly go... Some stay for awhile and leave footprints in our hearts..... and we are never the same."
Whoa... that one thing, that tiny box, so thoughtful. Hope. Inside the box was a photo album, tissues, a candle and a few other little things for comforting. Really what I had was a place to put all of Josephs things. Somehow this box, this little box now contains everything we have left of Joseph. It is filled with love, memories and hope.

The contents of the box....
1 - His going home outfit. Green and white onsie, Green hat, green and white pants, green socks and a blanket that has doggies on it.
2 - His feet and hand prints and some of his hair we cut.
3 - The cold cap (used to stop the swelling on his head)
4 - The blood pressure cuff.
5 - The photo album, now full of Josephs pictures.
6 - An outfit that we got for him.. it says first born on it.
7 - All of the letters written to Joseph, said at the service.
8 - The tiny plastic hospital bracelets.
9 - His social security card.
10 - The tape measure used to see how long he was.
11 - A mold of his feet made in plaster.
Joseph, can you hear mommy? You came into our lives and left your footprint on so many hearts... and we will never be the same. I have all of your things in your box.. wrapped in your great grandmothers blanket.. Don't worry we kept your stuffed puppy too. I'm kissing you and hugging you so tightly. I love you.... mommy.

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