Monday, December 21, 2009


I have a birthmark.. it is on the very tip of my ring finger on my right hand. It looks kind of like a freckle only it has a triangle shape to it. I have another one on my foot... etc. I dawned on me this morning that I never looked for a birthmark on my baby Joe. I wonder now if he had one or maybe two of them and I don't know where they are. I have looked at ALL of the pictures over and over in search of this one little thing and I can't find one. It is something that as a mother I should know right? I didn't get enough time with him alive to look and during the time we did have together I really did not think about it. This makes me so frustrated. Here I sit in the early morning before dawn searching pictures to find something. I'm searching for something new of him. I want something new to hold onto... to create a new memory of him with. This is a secret he gets to keep. I will never know if he had one or not.

Joseph can you hear mommy? I love you my baby boy... so much and so big. My arms are reaching up for you to receive my hugs. I love you forever, mom.

1 comment:

Huntress said...

I'm drinking my one and only morning cup of coffee in my "Rookie Grandma 2009" cup you gave me for Mother's Day. It's the first time I've been able to use it since Joseph died. At first it gave me such a stunning shock each time I'd look at it, but now it's a promise and a commitment. And I feel and almost hear Joseph's delicious baby laugh...and there is nothing more wonderful than a baby's laugh. I love you Dearest BJ...