Wednesday, November 18, 2009

Tears

Tears are a funny thing... they used to be so hard for me to shed. Now they spring into action at any given time. They come in small spurts and in big blob drops. They stain my face when they stream down my chin. Sometimes they are like a blinding river and other times a tiny mist. The tears I shed are comforting and painful all at the same time. They are cleansing and fill me back up again with grief. I never know what tears are coming. I don't ask that question any more, I simply let them fall. I miss my son. We went to his memorial last night. Josephs big boy place. It should not be that he is gone. There are no answers as to why this happened to him. It makes it harder not to be able to blame anyone or anything. It just "is". I wish I could point a finger in anger but there is no one. So, I swallow hard and once the tears dry again I open my heart up for love, for hope and for Joseph Henry. I'm not afraid of crying anymore.
Baby Joe, can you hear mommy? I know you can. You are my sweet angel, my first born, my only babe... The love for you stronger than words and bigger than tears. The open for you in my heart large. Come on in and let me fill you up with my love. Come on in and let me hold you in my heart. I will always love you, mommy.

1 comment:

Huntress said...

I'm being reminded, Brandy, of how different grief tears are from tears that come from other hurts. They are like silver and slip from eyes and slide down the face. I feel both drained and nourished as they pour like a silky rain...almost like some sort of cleansing blessing. They do have a mind and a heart of their own, don't they. It's like the tears know better than we do what they need to do to honor and heal the grieving heart...

I love you Sweet Woman BJ