There is a hole in the pit of my stomach. I feel it every day. No matter what I do I can't get rid of it. Today my pit is so big that I almost can't drink my coffee. I don't know why it is particularly large today but, I feel empty.. hollow. It was 5 o'clock when I woke (again) and the pit was rolling. I just can't sleep past 5. In the early hours of dawn I lie awake with my pit. I swallow hard and try to ebb the tide but it always wins. I am up. My body is returning to its old self physically and I bet that has something to do with my pit. My stomach is almost back to the pre-pregnancy feel. My muscles are returning to shape. I can see the transformation in the mirror. I long to still be pregnant. I find myself Wishing and hoping that Joseph was still safely inside my womb and not gone. This pit is stubborn, but I am too. I calm my pit with deep breaths and slowly I am able to rise. Another day to face.... am I ready? I am.
Joseph, can you hear mommy? I miss you. I love you until forever.