Wednesday, November 4, 2009

Good Grief

This just sucks. I am sad. My sister just called. She was supposed to come out and help with the baby next week. Now there is no baby and I don't know what to do. She wants to be here with me to help and to hold but I just don't know if I want her to come. I am not alone but am alone. It might be good to have her here. At the same time I don't know if I want anyone staying with me at my house. I feel selfish that I want to have my time.. my mornings to grieve to cry to just be alone in the silence. She only wants to help and to have the same oportunity as the rest of the family got. to help and to be here for me. I understand that. I have to call her later. We should be planning on what we are going to do while she is here with Joseph and instead I question weather or not that I want her to come at all. Uggg.

Joseph, can you hear mommy? I miss you so much and I love you even more. I want you back. I know I can't have you here but I want you to be. It is not fair. I am sad. your mommy misses you so much and she is hugging you so hard from here. I am kissing your eyes and lips and nose. I hope you can hear me. I hope.

2 comments:

seven-up said...

Hi Brandy. I am Grace's grandma. Kim has told me about you, and I just want to say how very sorry I am. Joseph is a beautiful baby. the pictures you have shared are precious, and ones you will treasure forever. Yes, we knew that Grace would not survive, but it doesn't make it any easier to accept. However, the shock your experienced with everything happening so quickly and unexpectedly, is unimaginable. I will be praying for you everyday, that God will give His special peace and comfort at this time. it is not going to be easy, but you are not alone. I Remember the last two words of your last blog, "I hope". Hope will bring peace, eventually.

Linda

MK said...

Brandy~
Kerry told me about your blog. It's wonderful to be back in touch with you but why couldn't it be because you & Kerry started a blog about your living boys. I'm happy to know that you & Kerry have each other to help get through this tough time. I hope this blogs gives you comfort & a connection with others mom who truly understand your heart ache. I think back to you & Kerry growing up on Logway & Snowbound Court & just can't believe you two share this pain together....within 3 months.
Our entire family just felt so sick when we heard what had happened to baby Joseph. Please know that you have sooo many people thinking of you during this time. What a beautiful baby.
I like to picture Joseph & Andrew playing around in heaven together. I truly believe they are together...buddies!
Sending love & prayers your way everyday! mk