Monday, November 2, 2009

Back to work

Today my husband had to go back to work. He has been home with me for over two weeks. I miss him already. This is a strange place I'm living in... One where I used to love to be alone to one where I'm afraid to be alone. It is so strange to be in this house by myself on maternaty leave. There should be a baby crying in the background but there is none.

It is so strange to have a silent house. There is no one here but me and the dogs. Even the dogs are not barking. Random thoughts break my consentration all the time.. I just have no idea what to do with myself. I know I need to heal and I can't do much yet I want to do everything so that I don't have to listen to the silence.

I'm going to call Dr. Z today... to tell him. to ask him when we can try again. I'm sure he will tell me wait at least 6 months. I feel like I'm ready again now but know that I've got so much more to do - Another year of waiting.. another 40 weeks of hoping. This time I'm already scared.

Baby Joe can you hear mommy? I miss you and I need you and I wish you were here with me. I want to tell you how much you are loved. How much you are needed.. I love you