Tuesday, November 10, 2009

Baby things

We have a lot of baby things around our house. Pack -n-plays, rocking horses, swings and so much more. Paul and I used to care for a little baby, Shea in the mornings while her mom taught pump class at the gym. She would come over before 5am and stay until 6:30. Paul and I would take turns getting ready for work and playing with the baby. We loved that routine and thought of it as good practice for when our baby would arrive. She is 8 months old now and her mom gave up her morning classes a while ago. We have not taken care of her since the end of September. Needless to say we had a lot of baby stuff out in the living room for her to use. She never did get a chance to use the pack-n-play but it was out and ready for her.... and then we left it out and ready for us.

Last night we were able to put a few things away. Not far, just into baby Joe's room, but away. The pack-n-play came down and the tummy time floor mat rolled up. The rocking horse that played silly little songs, all now tucked back into the nursery. That was good to do and hard to do. No longer when you come to my house will you see those things in the living room as if expecting there to be a baby, or one coming. We needed to move forward from the day baby Joe was born just a little bit. Today I'll clean that room and set it back to the way it was before we watched Shea and before I was pregnant. It is good to do, but it does make me sad. The room looks so adult and bland. I think I'll add something there... Joe's baby pictures to fill the spot.

Joseph, can you hear mommy? I'm loving you... and kissing you and keeping my heart open and full of you. Is that you in the morning that wakes me softly at 5? Are you looking for Shea too? I love you and miss you so much. You are beautiful.


Kerry Ann said...

It all seems so unfair.

Once A Mother said...

you are so brave and strong. I had to do a double take when I realized that you are only a few weeks into your grief. So very, very sorry beyond words for the loss of your sweet Joseph Henry. It has been over a year for me and I have not been able to do anything with my daughter's things. The posters with pictures still sit out as they did the day of her funeral. Her condolence cards are still in the dining room. It is for these reasons that I find your strength amazing.
Sending you many prayers for peace as you navigate this unfair journey through loss.