Thursday, November 5, 2009

13 Ribs

Baby Joe had 13 ribs. You are supposed to have 12. I think that is the neatest thing. He grew extra. His nails were so long that they needed a trim right away and his big toe on the right foot had a callus on it where he used to rub my rib raw from the inside. He loved to play hide and seek with his daddy. Paul would go to feel my belly when he was being really active and as soon as Paul would put his hand on my belly..... the kicking would stop. That used to make us laugh a lot.

I'm trying something new today.. going to go for a walk as soon as the sky is light enough for the street lights to turn off. I want to get out of the house before the morning overwhelms me. Sometimes I still think this is a bad dream and I'm going to snap out of it at any moment. I know that I've got to face the day so maybe walking early will help. I wish I was well enough to run. I'd like to run until my legs fall out and feel the wind on my face from going so fast. Soon enough I know... soon enough.

Joseph, can you hear mommy? I miss you so much and I love you even more than you will ever know. I hope you are warm and can remember how I held you in my arms. I'm hugging you right now from here. I'm kissing your cheeks and I'm holding your head against my chest. You are loved.

4 comments:

stacy said...

I posted a comment yesterday, but I don't know where it went! I just wanted to encourage you to keep on, girlfriend. The grief is too much to bear at certain moments, but in the next moment, it will ease up. Joy always comes in the morning! :)

Psalm 94:19 says "when anxiety was great within me, Your consolation brought joy to my soul".

My prayers are with you and your entire family. Your son is so handsome and so precious.

Love,
Stacy Kuhl

babs said...

he is an adorable, beautiful baby- please don't be alone in your heartbreaking grief- i think you need your sister- glad to hear about the support group- do you also have access to grief counsellor ?

Kerry Ann said...

Thats so neat that he had a callus on his foot from rubbing your rib. That story makes me smile. Thinking of you always. And little Joseph. Did you imagine calling him Joseph, Joey, Joe when he was older? I always thought Andrew would become a Drew when he was older. Maybe our boys will run so fast together until they feel the wind on thier faces.

Maureen said...

I think getting outside and walking will be a great way for you to start the day! I think that could be a really good thing for you right now.

I love your story about the callus on his foot. How adorable! I'm sure he is one of the best athletes among the angels :)